jessica hall

March 27, 2009

Yesterday, at diner time and out of the blue, between a bite of kale soup and garlic bread, our seven year old daughter asked: "mom, dad, do you guys ever take big risks?"
At first I thought she meant risk like jumping of the swing at its highest point in the air, or going of the slide backwards and upside down. But no, she meant "risks" as in stepping out of your comfort zone.
That girl blows me away sometimes.
Do I take a lot of risks? Not nearly enough. But I have taken a few.
* I left a comfortable, safe, long term relation ship after 8-9 years to live on my own and ‘rediscover’ myself. I left everything behind and started all over again. Best risk ever. I learned so much about myself. I like my own company.
* I fell in love with a man who was all wrong for me in many ways. Of course I got hurt. But it was oh so good while it lasted.
* I quit my well paid job as in advertising and became a freelance account manager, never knowing what the next job would be. I loved it.
* I had a mini identity crisis at age 28, thinking "IS THIS ALL THERE IS?". And I did have it all, the money, the car, the house, the social life, boyfriends to choose from, the Prada shoes. But I felt a void. Instead of going on happy pills, I decided to take a half year break and travel through Asia. Alone. It was scary and lonely at times, but it was life altering and one of the most empowering experiences.
* I met the love of my life and I stopped resisting. That was a big risk! Suppose I'll get hurt again. He told me it’s better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. And I fell for his cliché! We're still going strong.
* I surprisingly got pregnant after a few months into our new relationship. We decided to just go for it in full faith. It has been the best gift ever bestowed upon us. Our daughter is now seven.
* I moved to America, following the love of my life. I didn't want to. I took the plunge anyway. How is that for risk? I gave up my whole life in Amsterdam, to start a new one on an island I didn't know, without knowing anybody. No friends or family to lean on, with a 6 month old baby. Again, it all turned out just fine! I would say great, but I miss my family at home. Still, after almost seven years.
* I lost a baby at 23 week into my pregnancy. The healing process was long and painful, but I took a risk after a while and tried getting pregnant again. I was scared. I miscarried again. I tried again. I miscarried again. I tried again. I miscarried again. I didn't try anymore... the risk was too big. But I got pregnant anyway. We thought it was divine intervention. But I miscarried again. I am not sure if this is a risk I am willing to take again. I might. I might adopt. Talking about a risk... I am scared about that. What if the child grows up resenting me?
Now I'm taking on a new risk. Nothing big or major, but I am committing myself to a year of change! I need to upgrade my life and I need to DECIDE TO BE HAPPY.
Where I'm from, it's kinda uncool to be happy. Annoying. It’s a safer bet to join in the complaining, it makes you one of them. Complaint about being too busy, your boss, your mother in law. Misery loves company, doesn’t it? I’m not saying it’s a Dutch thing  because we do the same thing over here now. If I whine about my husband leaving his socks every where, than YOU have to tell me it's even worse at your house, so I will feel better. Than I'll try to top you off again to make YOU feel better and voila: we'll all grow old and sour and attract nothing but more socks on the floor always!
Your life is as good as the quality of your thoughts, words and deeds.
I AM GOING TO BE ANNOYINGLY HAPPY!
I fundamentally believe in the law of attraction. I believe we're energy and we vibrate all the time, positive, negative, neutral. And I believe that like attracts like.
But djeez... how hard is it in real life, right?
DO REAL PEOPLE REALLY FEEL ABUNDANCE WHEN THEY PAY THE BILLS? DO REAL PEOPLE REALLY FEEL PRETTY WHEN THEY TRY ON BIKINI'S IN THE TARGET DRESSING ROOM? DO REAL PEOPLE REALLY THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS ALL DAY LONG? CAN A CHILD BORN IN RWANDA REALLY CHANGE HIS LIFE AND SITUATION AROUND BY THINKING, FEELING AND BELIEVING?
This blog is about my transformation into a more fulfilled person, applying all the tricks and tools of the law of attraction.
Come join me and see how I succeed sometimes, and make an ass of myself the other half of the time... it's all me.
Don't you want to be pushing yourself a little harder? Take a little more risk?